20 April 2010

Nazi Fetish Day

If you're a normal high school student, the idea of "celebrating" 4/20 probably brings to mind sitting in a basement with a few friends, watching old episodes of the Teletubbies, and partaking in certain non-legal pharmaceuticals (don't do drugs kids). But if you're a Nazi fetishist, today is your Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Laylat al-Qadr all rolled up into one magical day. You see on this day 121 years ago a little boy was born in an obscure Austrian border town to a customs official who's own parentage may have been the result his grandmother's roll in the hay with any number of itinerant male workers (grandma Schicklgruber was girl who knew how to have a good time). That little boy would later go on to fail at school, live as a homeless vagrant in Vienna, create "art" that your own grandmother wouldn't put up beside the velvet Elvis she picked up in Graceland on her last vacation for fear that it looked too tacky, and grow a really, really stupid looking mustache.

We of course are talking about Rollie Fingers:



No, no, of course not. Actually, Hitler was born this day in 1889.

To most of the world, Hitler is one of the most reviled humans to have ever existed. In addition to the Holocaust, his actions ultimately led to the destruction of Germany and that nation's partition between the Western and Soviet blocs for close to 46 years. Hitler did more damage to Germany than any other person as a result of his naked aggression against other Europeans.

Yet, the Nazis love him. No, you don't understand. They loooovvvvvveeeeeee him. A lot. How much? Well, if Hitler somehow appeared before... let's say Kevin Goudreau, we're sure that Goudreau would immediately fall to his knees and offer to perform fellatio. And not because for any sexual gratification. Goudreau would likely believe that Hitler's seed would somehow imbue him with cosmic super powers with which to slay his enemies, fly and time travel. Even people who's ancestors would have been considered untermensch (such as London, Ontario's self described "biggest hater" Tomasz Winnicki) are willing to ignore Hilter's own statements concerning the Slavs and become full on Hitler worshipers.

Today, neo-Nazis, people whom Hilter himself would have sent to the camps for being degenerates, are in the process of celebrating the birth of a man who is directly responsible for the deaths of more than 70 million people. We here at ARC have decided that we too will commemorate the birth of Hitler in the only way we know how.

Derisive, childish, mockery, all of which we can absolutely guarantee will be in extremely bad taste.

We didn't realize that Hitler was such a Brittney fan:



None of us speak German, but we all think we need to watch this movie:



A little Monty Python for the old timers:



Perhaps not exactly in good taste, but as Hitler is being lampooned, we'll add it to the list:



From the great, great Mel Brooks, master of the parody (fun fact: we miss the 1980s):



Finally, you can't mention the name Mel Brooks without also mentioning, "The Producers":



While we celebrate "Dead Nazi Day" on the day that Rudolf Hess ended his miserable existence, we feel that we should make this day an annual event for anti-racists to laugh at the Nazi fetishists.

14 comments:

StandUpToHateAdmin said...

awesome post pmsl

Anonymous said...

Ahahaha, I really want to watch the Producers now lol. Normally I just get pissed off at Nazis, this was a much more entertaining approach.

Anonymous said...

This blog would be half decent without all the childish bs on it.

Anonymous said...

I would take the time to refute many of the claims in this post, but I've long since figured out that you only post the comments from morons that you can easily poke fun at.

And seriously, dead Nazi day? When was the last time you grabbed a plane, flew from Germany to Scotland, parachuted out of you aircraft and spent the next 46 years behind bars in order to try to stop a war? Nah, sitting around in your basement and creeping around on peoples' facebook pages and posting them on your blog is much more noble.

Meghan G. said...

"Today, neo-Nazis, people whom Hilter himself would have sent to the camps for being degenerates,..." I AGREE!

Hey. HAPPY FÜHRERTAG! Cheers, with a glass of milk.

nos200 said...

"When was the last time you grabbed a plane, flew from Germany to Scotland, parachuted out of you aircraft and spent the next 46 years behind bars in order to try to stop a war?"

Four months ago. Except for the prison part. Unlike Hess, we were successful in stopping the war which is why you've never heard about it. We got skillz!

And you might want to look at why Hess was in prison. Didn't have much of a problem about starting a war of aggressive expansion to the east, did he?

Anonymous said...

What, no Charlie Chaplin?

Davegeek said...

THEY WERE INVITED TO POLAND!!!! THERE WAS CAKE!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

@nos200

Nope, he didn't. Do you have any idea what Stalin would have done to the rest of Europe, had Russia not been invaded and effectively weakened?

Anonymous said...

Apparently Bill Noble's idea of celebrating is joining in with the fine folks at FD.

nos200 said...

"Nope, he didn't. Do you have any idea what Stalin would have done to the rest of Europe, had Russia not been invaded and effectively weakened?"

Wow. There's some convoluted logic for you.

"Apparently Bill Noble's idea of celebrating is joining in with the fine folks at FD."

Do you have a link for this? We don't want to say as such without the support to make the claim.

Anonymous said...

"Do you have any idea what Stalin would have done to the rest of Europe, had Russia not been invaded and effectively weakened?"

This is another example of why neo-nazis suck at history: a comment like this is completely AHISTORICAL. I was unaware that boneheads can see into alternate dimensions.

As if their historical revisionism wasn't pathetic enough, now this alternate history fiction is being subsituted for real history?

I'm sure if Mussolini hadn't been assassinated, he would have opened a chain of successful fast food restaurants, and we'd all be enjoying Duce-Burgers right about now.

If alternate history has taught me anything (and it has), it's that mobster planet is way cooler than nazi planet. You lose again, nazis!

Anonymous said...

I always knew anti-racists had the maturity of a child.

Anonymous said...

@ Nazi sympathizer anon: If you want to talk about what actually did happen instead of your "what if" fantasies, let's talk about what Stalin actually did do to Europe: Stalin got control over a vast swath of Eastern Europe and was allowed to keep it by the allies because of the war that Hitler started.