Andrew Benson Wants to Join the Army

A while ago, we noticed that Toronto bonehead Andrew Benson was keen on joining the Canadian Forces:

Naturally, we dismissed this as fantasy. After all, this is a man so lacking in body mass that he requires both a belt AND suspenders to secure his pants to the assemblage of bones otherwise known as his body. A meth habit (should he choose to partake in the drug) may get Benson through the trivialities of his depressing existence, but we’re pretty sure it won’t get him through basic training.

Nonetheless, we decided to humor him and pretend that we take seriously the delusional boastings of a 25 year old neo-Nazi so desperate for attention and validation that he hangs out with teenagers and posts pictures of his friends committing crimes on his Facebook profile. Trust us, he needs this. And the latest news from the wonderful world of Benson is that he has joined the National Socialist Movement Party.

Oh, and the Army. Unable to hide his elation, he reported both in the same breathless status update on Facebook. Unfortunately fellow bonehead Craig Flemming then had to go and be a Negative Nancy, pointing out that membership in a neo-Nazi hate group might be a problem for those P.C. thugs over at the Canadian Forces. Which Benson promptly ignored. We’d like to applaud him for his frankness, which will surely mean more to the military than his lack of character. The military doesn’t care if you belong to white supremacist organizations. Or if you’ve immortalized your white supremacy with racist tattoos. Or (as anyone who has seen Benson’s Facebook profile can attest to), if you continuously post pictures of you and your creepy friends giving Hitler salutes, wearing Nazi uniforms and doing drugs with minors in your apartment.

After all, it’s not like the military explicitly states its intolerance for “conduct that promotes, encourages or constitutes discrimination or harassment on the basis of race, national or ethnic origin, colour or religion.”

Or that such conduct “also includes belonging to or participating in the activities of a group or organization that a CF member knows, or ought to know, promotes such discrimination or harassment.”

So, Benson - if anyone tries to tell you that “racist attitudes are not compatible with military ethos and with effective military service” because such conduct “impairs military effectiveness by…creating an impression with the public of Canada and other nations, that the Canadian Forces cannot be relied upon to perform peacekeeping and other international commitments, or to provide assistance to Canadian authorities in handling internal disputes fairly and impartially, without regard to the race, national or ethnic origin, colour or religion of the parties involved” – well, you just don’t worry your tiny little head about it and keep on being the flamboyantly bigoted moron that we’re sure the Army will come to know and love. There’s absolutely no reason the military would refuse to admit a known racist to their organization. In fact, we pulled the following quote completely out of our ass:

Defence and the Canadian Forces must remain vigilant against racist behaviour because it is in flagrant opposition to basic human rights, which the Canadian Forces are called upon to defend. Again, in the context of the Canadian Forces, a modern and effective defence structure depends on teamwork, whereas racism undermines team cohesion and jeopardizes mission success. Finally, as harmony and unity are imperatives of the defence team, it is in the best interests of our operations to individually and collectively strive to eliminate racism within our organization.

We encourage you to continue to flaunt your racist extremism and above all keep on following your dreams. Because we know you’ve been dreaming about this since 2004:

We also know that before you ventured into the world of racist loserdom you were a rave kid and a self-proclaimed Trotskyist. We’re very curious as to the nature of the traumatic event that could explain your transformation from this:

into this:

Oh wait:

You hate your parents. That explains it. Disaffected kids will do anything to piss off mom and dad. And admittedly, we don’t know all the details of your upbringing or family life - we just wish we could say that you were a kid when you wrote that and not 20. We calculate that at the current rate of devolution by the time you hit 30 you’ll be turning tricks behind a dumpster in Vaughn and blaming it all on the ZOG. In the meantime, good luck in your pursuit of that “Army” career.