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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Andrew Benson Wants to Join the Army

A while ago, we noticed that Toronto bonehead Andrew Benson was keen on joining the Canadian Forces:

Naturally, we dismissed this as fantasy. After all, this is a man so lacking in body mass that he requires both a belt AND suspenders to secure his pants to the assemblage of bones otherwise known as his body. A meth habit (should he choose to partake in the drug) may get Benson through the trivialities of his depressing existence, but we’re pretty sure it won’t get him through basic training.
Nonetheless, we decided to humor him and pretend that we take seriously the delusional boastings of a 25 year old neo-Nazi so desperate for attention and validation that he hangs out with teenagers and posts pictures of his friends committing crimes on his Facebook profile. Trust us, he needs this. And the latest news from the wonderful world of Benson is that he has joined the National Socialist Movement Party.

Oh, and the Army. Unable to hide his elation, he reported both in the same breathless status update on Facebook. Unfortunately fellow bonehead Craig Flemming then had to go and be a Negative Nancy, pointing out that membership in a neo-Nazi hate group might be a problem for those P.C. thugs over at the Canadian Forces. Which Benson promptly ignored. We’d like to applaud him for his frankness, which will surely mean more to the military than his lack of character. The military doesn’t care if you belong to white supremacist organizations. Or if you’ve immortalized your white supremacy with racist tattoos. Or (as anyone who has seen Benson’s Facebook profile can attest to), if you continuously post pictures of you and your creepy friends giving Hitler salutes, wearing Nazi uniforms and doing drugs with minors in your apartment.

So, Benson - if anyone tries to tell you that racist attitudes are not compatible with military ethos and with effective military service” because such conduct “impairs military effectiveness by…creating an impression with the public of Canada and other nations, that the Canadian Forces cannot be relied upon to perform peacekeeping and other international commitments, or to provide assistance to Canadian authorities in handling internal disputes fairly and impartially, without regard to the race, national or ethnic origin, colour or religion of the parties involved – well, you just don’t worry your tiny little head about it and keep on being the flamboyantly bigoted moron that we’re sure the Army will come to know and love. There’s absolutely no reason the military would refuse to admit a known racist to their organization. In fact, we pulled the following quote completely out of our ass:

We encourage you to continue to flaunt your racist extremism and above all keep on following your dreams. Because we know you’ve been dreaming about this since 2004:

We also know that before you ventured into the world of racist loserdom you were a rave kid and a self-proclaimed Trotskyist. We’re very curious as to the nature of the traumatic event that could explain your transformation from this:

into this:

Oh wait:

You hate your parents. That explains it. Disaffected kids will do anything to piss off mom and dad. And admittedly, we don’t know all the details of your upbringing or family life - we just wish we could say that you were a kid when you wrote that and not 20. We calculate that at the current rate of devolution by the time you hit 30 you’ll be turning tricks behind a dumpster in Vaughn and blaming it all on the ZOG. In the meantime, good luck in your pursuit of that “Army” career.


Dave said...

This is, shall we say, interesting. Over a decade ago I was one of the "pricks" who uncovered a neo-nazi/white supremacist group in a small part of the Canadian Forces. The subsequent investigation exposed a larger, and very connected group, the bulk of whom were serving in the Airborne Regiment.

What happened after that is known history.

I have my doubts that this nasty little piece of skinhead wannabe work is in any real army. But that isn't going to prevent me from checking it out.

Good grab.

Anonymous said...

He ought to be good for cannon fodder in some imperialist war

Anonymous said...

Since our stupid government seems hell bent on staying in Afghanistan, I'd be happy to pay to train and send this little prick over there to defuse roadside bombs. Perhaps his service would save a few DECENT lives. And, we'd likely never have to deal with him again. Just make sure it's a covert operation. As much as I'm not a fan of any army, I'd also hate to see the Canadian one associate itself with the likes of Andrew Benson.

Anonymous said...

Well? Freshcut comes to mind.

Anonymous said...

Dave, you must have no life what so ever.

Anonymous said...

ARC Collective, I am impressed consistently by your excellent intel. You've got plenty of cred in my books. Keep up the fantastic work because I cannot count on the media for any truth or facts.

Anonymous said...

omfg I remember that kid when I used to live with stupid ravers, hahahahaha what a small world! I can't believe a little shit like that is even worth mentioning on here. He's one of those people who is whoever he's with- if you get my drift: raver, punk, skinhead, god knows whats next!

Anonymous said...

Dave must have no life? In case you didn't get it... two words: Somalia Affair. Racism has no place in the military. Soldiers hold a position of power and that carries tremendous responsibility. Obviously, white supremacists and other hatemongers cannot be trusted in that position, especially if they're going to be deployed to nations with non-white civilian populations.

Add me to the list of people who will be contacting the CF about Mr. Benson.

Anonymous said...

hilarious. if only all boneheads were as retarded as this loser, they'd be gone in a day.

Anonymous said...

Hello. I just wanted to give you guys an update. I live i Winnipeg, MB. The other day I saw an overweight guy, who probably works for the government of Canada (Canadian Wheat Board, probably). He's likely a bonehad (he had a pendant with the "black sun" and a pin with the skulls & bones). Anyhow, the guy and I got in the same bus, where he met a "friend" of his... An older guy, who's into Harley's or motorcycles in general. He said he's planning on creating a new gang, 'cause the "old one" got closed down. The overweight guy told him something about some sort of "boxing" or fight club he had in Brandon, MB (nazi dad's town, I think). This place might had closed down, but am not sure. I dunno if the biker dude is a nazi, but he might be. Interesting to see, also, that the biker dude looked like he's used drugs or alcohol heavily in his life. Is any of this bringing any bells?

Anonymous said...

Ya, Freshcut is definatly the words Id use

Anonymous said...

Bravo to the A.R.C. "collective" for denying any approval to my previous civil comments made to several blogs on this blogsite. It's not expected that this comment will be approved for public view either... So, in the case of, "for the writer's eyes only..."

Consider this: If Positivity and Fairness is truly what you as a single writer, or truly a collective of writers claim and wish to demonstrate and bestow... perhaps your readers could benefit from reading AT LEAST, the civil and intelligent opposition's or even, the indifferent reader's comments and suggestions regarding your reading material.

Anonymous said...

serious man I just read Craig Flemming and recalled someone telling me that he wants to have an asian girlfriend because of their subservient nature lol