Southern Ontario Skins: A Cast of Stooges Part VI (Greatest Email Exchange Ever!!!)

You know, there are times when we have to wonder what good karma we have amassed for fortune to fall into our laps.

Ladies and gentlemen, might we introduce you to the newest member of the Southern Ontario "Skinheads", Jeremy Crawford:

We should at this point provide a little background. Crawford actually contacted us in May thinking that either we were the SOS or that we could hook him up with the SOS:

my name is jeremy crawford when u here the name u say skinhead thats feared and well respected im friends with brodie walsh anyways i lead small skinhead groups in london and sarnia ive been through thick and thin being a skinhead but i always come out on top because were more intelligent than the others [emphasis ours] i want in im 32 and i want in i want a group to call my family that i can trust with my life im 220 pds and covered in white power tattooes covered. im the poster child for skinheads im purebred german blonde hair blue eyes etc please get back to me. WPWW

and

Jeremy Crawford 32 220 pds pure german and life long skinhead i want in i have ran little clicks and iam well respected i want in the southren ont skins get back to me at ************@hotmail.com or ************@gmail.com get ahold of me please i would be an incredible asset to the group and i know brodie walsh

This in and of itself wasn't actually a surprise. It actually isn't all that uncommon for ARC to receive messages from boneheads who are either functionally illiterate or who neglect to actually read our stories (or the rather large Anti-Racist Canada banner) and who believe we are a racist group. So it was with Jeremy Crawford. As he also provided his email, we decided that we would get in touch with him to see if we could extend this little dialogue. However, we didn't hear back from Crawford so we published an article making fun of him for contacting an anti-racist organization to request membership in a racist organization.

We knew this would likely result in the SOS reaching out to Crawford, an assumption that soon proved correct:

Later, on June 28, Walsh posted a follow-up on his wall:

That, we figured, would be the nail in the coffin. No chance that Crawford would reply to our email.

Then, on July 4 (which ironically turned out to be Crawford's birthday) we received this:

Before we go on, we want our readers to wrap their heads around this.

1. Crawford contacted us on May 27. We replied to him via email the same day.
2. We published an article which starts out making fun of Crawford on June 18.
3. Walsh and Hynes attempt to make contact with Crawford on June 19.
4. Walsh posts a request on his own wall asking if anyone knew how to get a hold of Crawford on June 28.
5. Crawford contacted us on July 4.

What will now follow is a nearly month long exchange with now (if his later messages are to be believed) SOS member Jeremy Crawford. We would like to note that in none of the messages that we sent Crawford did we claim we were the SOS ourselves, though we certainly didn't do anything to dissuade him of the belief that we were.  We will provide some commentary, but limit it as much as we can.

Really, just reading the messages is well worth it.

 

There was a rather lengthy delay at this point, so we decided to push the issue a little more. Of course we also assumed that he might have actually figured things out, but we were soon dissuaded of that thought. We also grew genuinely annoyed as we started receiving spam messages from Crawford's email account and told him to stop clicking on links that he receives since it appeared they were hijacking his address book:

 

 

 

 

 

Now that we had more of a commitment, we decided to do a little actual digging. We eventually sent a list of questions to gauge his suitability for SOS membership (again, we note that we never said we were the SOS, though we believed we had an idea what their membership criteria might be). Questions included the mundane biographical details, but also asked about his crimes (both those he was convicted of like this and this, those he got away with, and those committed most recently), his attitudes towards minorities, weapons, violence, and is political views. His responses were most enlightening:

Crawford claims his brother is a "crookwed" (we assume he means
crooked) customs officer who is also a White Supremacist and
abuses steroids like Crawford appears to claim to do.

 

 

 

He thinks he's a reincarnated Nazi, yet has no knowledge of
what a communist or fascist is.... though he dimly suspects
he might be a fascist. Clearly, we're dealing with a deep thinker.

Crawford certainly is proud of his criminal record in these exchanges, presenting them almost as one would provide past job experience in a résumé. He also willingly drops a few names which is something we know racist gangs really appreciate.

Oddly, he also really, really, seems to want a t-shirt.

But like all good things, this exchange eventually came to an end:

So we answered him by providing the following video:



Sadly, it will quickly become apparent that Crawford is unfamiliar with the Rick Roll. But what we do see is a range of emotions from, "I'm not mad" to confused to, "fuck you!" often in the same sentence, though to be fair most of his paragraphs are comprised of a single sentence. He also backtracks on a lot of his claims. He's no longer like "that" and is now a Christian, don't ya know:

 

See how our genius is lost on him? Sad. Just sad.

Since he claimed to have spoken to 21 members of the SOS, we challenged him to name them. Hey, couldn't hurt. But finally Crawford seems to have caught on:

Wait. You threaten to turn over these emails to the police and have
us arrested for recruiting for a hate gang in the same email that
you are bragging about joining that same hate gang? Do you actually
think that makes any sense whatsoever? 

Man, Crawford REALLY wants an SOS t-shirt.

We sent one final message resulting in this reply:

Yes Jeremy, nice chatting indeed.

Now, we know what you're thinking, dear readers. What racist gang in their right mind would want someone like Crawford amongst them? Surely, even the blisteringly stupid SOS wouldn't touch this guy with a 12 foot pole.

If you believe that, dear reader, you really don't understand the brain trust that is the Southern Ontario "Skinheads":

 

And this gem:

 Keep on reaching for that rainbow, Jeremy.

Irony abounds.