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Monday, May 14, 2018

Ryerson Far Right Protest, May 12, 2018: Ronny Cameron Interviews Faith Goldy Pushing "Dark Enlightenment" Views

This is the first of two articles focusing on events in Toronto on May 12, 2018. Click here to see the second article.

ARC hasn't written about Ronny Cameron much, at least not in detail since his antics in Hamilton where even some of is supporters called him out for his behavior as well as that of the Proud Boys who were with him. Well today you get a double serving of Cameron which sounds about unappetizing as it should.

On Saturday Cameron attended a small protest organized by Laura Lee and Mary Forest which he began promoting on May 9:


He showed up earlier before the group moved on to Ryerson University where the conference was taking place, posting this short video:







The main event was relatively sparsely attended. Cameron was there as was a contingent of Soldiers of Odin members from Hamilton. At least one member or supporter of the III% militia was attending too. Other known individuals present included Mary Forest, Laura Lee, Kevin "Poodle" Johnston, the man who organized the anti-Muslim hate protest on Parliament Hill, and Faith Goldy.

We'll get to her in a moment.

Cameron posted a video of the speeches that were as tone deaf and bigoted as you might expect. I took the liberty of adding a few pithy, and some more serious, observations. The edit on this particular video is terrible as my editing software was driving me up the wall so please bare with me:


The comments were also as one would expect:







Still, it was the interview with Faith Goldy that I found to be of particular interest as she dropped some neoreactionary, or "Dark Enlightenment" rhetoric throughout the conversation:

Saturday, May 12, 2018

Hate Has Consequences: More Fallout From Gabriel Sohier Chaput and Discord "Montreal Storm" Leaks

The news that "Zieger", a prominent neo-Nazi active on the "Daily Stormer" and second to hate site founder Andrew Anglin, was a Montreal IT consultant named Gabriel Sohier Chaput has been a huge story and one that continues to reverberate. Likely at least in part as a result of this outing, Canada's largest neo-Nazi podcast was shut down and all the content removed from YouTube:


The pressure on Sohier Chaput and those associated with him has been further increased by the efforts of the folks at Monteral Counter-Information who are are asking for help to identify others in "Zieger's" circle:
A Canada-Wide Callout to Track Down the Alt-Right Nazi Scumbags Next Door 
Anonymous submission to MTL Counter-info 
The Montreal Storm leaks constitute the largest single reveal of activities of the neo-Nazi wing of the alt-right in Canada. What’s more, it looks like Montreal’s (pathetically small and inept) Daily Stormer “book club” may be the largest in Canada. That said, we know that it’s not the only one. 
Prior to the Daily Stormer closing its book club forum down, it was clear that there were attempts to start similar neo-Nazi cells across Canada, from Atlantic Canada to British Columbia. Neo-nazis from across Canada attended the “Leafensraum” meet-up organizer by Gabriel Sohier-Chaput and others in 2017. Quebeckers were not the only Canadians to attend the Unite the Right hatefest in Charlottesville in August 2017. Fliers, posters, and stickers with identical design and wording have appeared in different cities and provinces. 
If you have knowledge of neo-Nazi activities in your area, specifically connected to the Daily Stormer and alt-right, please get in touch with us at doxxlesnazis@riseup.net.
ARC has identified at least on member of the "Montreal Storm" Discord group. The user "FriendlyFash" is Shawn Beauvais-MacDonald:


Someone at Monteral Counter-Information also connected Beauvais-MacDonald as well explaining how they were able to identify "Zieger" as Gabriel Sohier Chaput  in this detailed article which begins as such:
Over the past year, Montreal antifascists have identified individuals, and finally a small and pathetic scene, of men in their 20s and 30s, active online but trying to establish an “in real life” presence for neo-Nazism in our city. Occasionally operating as “Alt-Right Montreal” or ARM, or Arm and Hammer, these individuals are also linked to Generation Identity (rebranded as ID Canada), the phantom Northern Order, and other “groups” in the city. 
This is the first of a series of reports on this milieu. It includes screenshots from the neo-nazis’ private chatroom, including many that we ourselves find traumatic.
Others have also been identified.

So if you can help identify more, feel free to give these folks a helping hand.

UPDATE 1: Looks like Shawn isn't happy being famous.


UPDATE 2: Looks like he'll have a lot of work to take down all the posters that have been put up.




These ones were found everywhere in Monkland:



Then there's this:


And isn't this interesting?





Friday, May 11, 2018

Steven Myatt, Like Most Authoritarian Personalities, Doesn't Think His Motives Should Be Questioned By Mere Plebs

A couple of days ago ARC came into possession of Steven Myatt's petition that outlines rationale (such that it is) for having Justin Trudeau charged with treason because, you know, that's how he thinks this works. In what will come as absolutely no surprise, it is for all intents and purposes, a cobbling together of far right memes, outright lies and xenophobic fear mongering pretending to be a serious legal challenge:



There's a lot here to pick on. For example, the claim that Trudeau said "[he] will be personally responsible for harm that may come to any citizen of Canada. Any harm, from any refugee, brought into Canada by my government, [he will] stand personally responsible" can be found on memes all over social media and is being shared by Islamophobic and xenophobic groups and individuals.... but it isn't actually something that Trudeau said. And of the now over 45,000 refugees, Myatt can find examples of only two assholes who were both arrested and tried as evidence for his claim that we are all in danger? Holy hell! If that's the case, the crime rate among refugees is so much lower than that of other Canadians that maybe we really should consider replacing Canadians with refugees?

And the far-right will take my sarcastic comment out of context in

5


4


3


2


1

Anyways, I'm not going to bother dissecting this any further because it is sort of low hanging fruit. Still, though he has been lionized by his increasingly cult-like followers, it appears that not everyone has consumed the Flavor Aid:


"Canada Matters" is another anti-government and Islamophobic Facebook group claiming the status of "patriots." In a word, they are just as ridiculous and xenophobic as Myatt and his followers. There are quite a few ego-stroking comments, but these two are the ones I thought to be the most interesting:


My goodness, these people are so bloody sensitive! And why is it that I can't help but thinking of this when I read both Myatt's pouting and Kelly Elizabeth's response to a reasonable question?



Myatt and his followers have themselves a little bit of an authoritarian streak going.

This is what resulted in Myatt getting all hot and bothered:

Wednesday, May 09, 2018

Alpha Male Alberta III Militia Hide From The Meanies Who Aren't Nice To Them

UPDATE: In what will not be a surprise to anyone, the threepers are celebrating the racist rant that occurred last month in a Lethbridge Denny's restaurant:


Remember this later on when you read the Alberta III% leader "Beau" Welling say there is no hate in their group.

When CBC did a story of the Canadian III% militia, with a special focus on the Alberta chapter, ARC published screen shots of their reaction and it was bloody hilarious!




Beau Welling, leader of the Alberta chapter, claims to have been slandered as a result of CBC posting screen shots of his own words as well as the racist and violent garbage routinely posted to the III% Alberta Facebook group, which further confirms my own hypothesis that Beau Welling is both a liar (he claimed he had been hacked which is bull shit) and dumber than a sack of hammers. In the ARC article more such screen shots were posted to prove he's a liar and his group are filled with violent racists, or at least racists who talk a big game.

Not long after the ARC article was published, the Alberta III% group's name was changed and the following explanation posted:


Hmmmm.

Was it something we said?


Yep. Definitely something we said.

And fyi Ron, the vast majority of you weekend soldiers are civilians and most of you would wash out of basic training in half an hour.






Later Beau Welling continued a thread to feel sorry for himself and his toy soldier militia for all the mean things the media have said about them by posting actual things that Welling and other threepers wrote because, how the hell is that fair?!?!


Wow.

Just wow.

Dude, I've given people rides as well. I don't expect a story about it in the national media.

Also nobody, and I mean NOBODY, believes that you have donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to anyone Beau. In an article published today in VICE by Mack Lamoureux regarding the threeper recovery house initiative (ARC had published a story earlier here and here), he also notes how full of shit you are
As Welling didn’t answer follow up questions, how much of this is real and how much of it just bullshit is not clear (Welling is known to exaggerate). During its initial push though, it’s clear from posts in a closed Facebook group that while Welling talked a lot about helping people, positive media attention for his group was very important to him.
How did that fundraising go?


Beau Welling has to be one of the neediest men I've come across in the close to twenty years I've been monitoring hate groups. I don't think I've come across someone so desperate for affirmation and praise.

It is also really interesting to contrast the pity party with posts such as this:


Right. Let's put this in perspective, shall we?

One group is fleeing a civil war that has resulted in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people, leaving everything they've known in the hope of providing safety for their families.

The other group acts tough online but feel aggrieved by a negative, though completely accurate, news story. They have mostly never had to struggle for anything in their pampered lives and have never experienced the trauma of an armed conflict are criticizing refugees for not "fighting for their country" because they've watched "Red Dawn" once and know that they would definitely be one of the Wolverines.

Yeah. The threepers sure are hard.

I almost feel sorry for Welling.... almost.

And wait a moment. Welling actually wrote, "there's no hate here"????

Most of these were posted today!

Monday, May 07, 2018

Case Study: A Look At Steven Myatt's Supporters



It appears that the article posted on Sunday showing the federal Conservative leader chatting with Steven Myatt (member of the white nationalist and increasingly antisemitic Northern Guard) while at the UCP's first AGM has garnered some significant interest if the ol' Twitter machine can be believed. One individual did make a comment that is certainly worthy of merit:



That is a completely fair observation. In fact here on this blog we've (I can write "we" again!) noted a few occasions where prominent politicians as well as law enforcement have been photographed with boneheads who, while known to us, wouldn't necessarily be well known outside this particular subculture:


However, there are some differences. Jon Latvis had been out of the public eye for close to 20 years when he had his photograph taken with Rob Ford. In the case of McKee, he purposely concealed his identity and his intentions in an effort to embarrass Justin Trudeau. And as for police and city officials being photographed with the Soldiers of Odin.... well.... as that hate group had been in the news frequently for the past two years this was at best profoundly stupid and careless and at worst....

In any case, in none of these situations did the haters have a discussion about their ideology or their plans and attempt to garner support from the politician they were photographed with. Myatt did and claims to have received at least tacit support from politicians he stated are aware of his efforts:


Could this be Myatt blowing smoke up his supporters' asses? Sure, but it is a claim that is worth some investigating.

What is certain is that the subculture we at ARC are interested in are very supportive of Myatt's efforts to have Trudeau charged, arrested, tried, and convicted of treason (because, you know, Muslims). One of those figures is this fella:


You know when you hold views that Kevin "No Show" Goudreau can get behind, you really need to start re-evaluating your entire life:


Yes, because Goudreau is a well adjusted individual....


Sigh....

Most of the people who are supporting Myatt's quixotic quest though are not the cartoonish caricature that "No Show" Goudreau is. Yes they hold bigoted views and are willing are easily manipulated, but they certainly wouldn't stand out in public per se. Really, they are your uncle who spouts of conspiracy theories at family events like Thanksgiving or your cousin you haven't seen in years (but is still a Facebook "friend") who continually shares Debate Post articles or memes about how refugees are a drain on the economy.

I think that's why I find this group to be among the more interesting to look at what motivates them.

There were a few people who "liked" Goudreau's two comments. One of them is Beau Welling of the Alberta Threepers who was in the news not long ago and who did not like it one bit:


A second person is Katy Latulippe, leader of the Quebec chapter of the Soldiers of Odin which was also recently profiled on ARC as a result of their open alliance with the overtly racist Atalante:


The third is a relatively new figure. Pako Dellaire is Myatt's treasurer responsible for the money that has been collected.

Wait, you remember Myatt explicitly stating that he wouldn't be asking for donations? There's a perfectly good response to that and apparently it is shut up and don't look at the man behind the curtain.

Currently there's a Go Fund Me page that has been set up that Dellaire is acting as the administrator:



While Myatt is receiving support from the likes of Goudreau, Welling, Latulippe, and members of groups like the World Wide Coalition Against Islam, Pegida Canada, and the Northern Guard, most of his support is coming from people like Dellaire.

Now people like Dellaire always existed,but if I am to put my pop psychology hat on the 24 hour news cycle and social media have, to use an overused term, radicalized them. Despite the world being safer and more stable, they were convinced by a constant stream of negativity that the world was in chaos. Social media reinforced this belief through actual fake news being disseminated as easily as hitting the share button but with no critical thought; if it supports my bias, it must be true and any evidence that would suggest that the information is incorrect can be dismissed.

Case in point. Many of these people believe that the UK (and Europe in general) is in collapse. They point specifically at the rare, but widely covered, tragedies that have occurred. One often hears or reads "look what's happening in Europe" from people who may not have even left this continent and have no conception of what life in Europe is actually like and ho much safer it is there than in Trump's America or Harper's Canada. They also have no conception of history. After a bombing that took place in the UK, many of these people speak and write about how "this never happened" before the "Muslims" emigrated. If they actually did some research they would find that in the 1970s through the late 1990s, there were often weekly bombings that took place in major cities in the UK which resulted in far more deaths.... and those engaged in these terrorist acts were at least nominally Christian (the Roman Catholic IRA and the Protestant paramilitaries).

The result of this constant stream of negativity, combined with the bigotry that existed already at least in a portion of this group, is that they are terrified. In large part this terror is based on a fiction, but it is also based on their fear of demographic changes in the western world. At one time it didn't matter because, since they were the majority and privileged as a result, it didn't affect them directly. Now these same people find themselves competing on a even playing field and, not able to adapt, see themselves as falling behind. To paraphrase a statement I recently heard, to people who had always gotten ahead due to privilege, equality feels like oppression to them now.

Seeing a group of frightened people, demagogues are able to stoke those fears even further and turn them against scapegoats. Your struggles are because of "those" people who speak in accented English. "Those" people who follow a different religion are invaders. Your child might find himself working for an immigrant, as if that is a bad thing. And these demagogues -- Trump, KaczyÅ„ski, Putin, Orbán, Duterte, Le Pen, and others -- have been very good at weaponizing this fear.

In this country, the animus of this group is being = directed currently at Prime Minister Trudeau as well as provincial leaders such as Premier Notley and Wynne. Since Myatt's efforts are focused on Trudeau, we'll look at him specifically.

Myatt has a Facebook group specifically created for those who are supporting his petition efforts. Recently one of the administrators posed a rather interesting question, not in and of itself but because of the responses that resulted:


The responses were fascinating in that they essentially claim that every negative thing, real or not, is Trudeau's fault. They claim he is directly responsible their own physical and mental health problems. He is responsible for one individual's bankruptcy and one woman's inability to support herself on an income she claims is more than $70,000. He is responsible for any crime committed in Canada ("never happened when Harper was Prime Minister") Some ironically claim that they feel so unsafe in the country that they feel they may need to flee while at the same time condemning government for supporting refugees who are characterized as cowards for escaping a war zone. Of course the fear of Muslims and "sharia" law is prevalent throughout, but also a more generalized fear of "the Other" pervades the thread. And there's the desire for violence to rectify their concerns. Some dream of political assassinations while others hope for a civil war.

There is also the hope for a savior. Someone who will deliver them from the danger that they believe exists (despite crime being at or near an all time low). Sometimes that savior is the Christian god who they pray will smite their enemies in a very Old Testament sort of way. Some pray for deliverance invoking the names of Donald Trump and Steven Myatt.

And it is their desire to submit to the demagogue in the form of Trump, Myatt, or another person, someone who would weaponize their fear for their own purposes (power, wealth, fame), which I find to be the most disquieting part of this thread:

Sunday, May 06, 2018

Islamophobe and Member of White Nationalist Northern Guard Steven Myatt With Andy Scheer at the UCP Convention

Steven Myatt has been in Western Canada for nearly a month, first attending the weekend conference and anti-Muslim rally organized by Artur Pawlowski Calgary. His purpose in traveling to Western Canada was to promote his class action lawsuit against Justin Trudeau and the Liberal government which has now morphed into a campaign to have Prime Minister Trudeau charged and put on trial for treason primarily because he hasn't closed the country off to refugees, Muslims, and, if we're being honest, black and brown people:



Because, as you all know, that's apparently how he and his supporters think the criminal justice system works.

Since his arrival, Myatt has traveled to Edmonton, Fort Mac, Vancouver, Victoria, a few other places I can't be bothered to look up, and now back to Alberta:


As he's been away from Ottawa for nearly a month, I have to ask....


This is echoing the tired insult leveled at anti-racists by boneheads accusing us of not having jobs and living off the state, but I am genuinely interested in how this guy earns an income when he appears to spend so much time doing other things completely unrelated to earning an income. I know that he says he's staying with "patriots" in Alberta and BC and I would further surmise they are feeding him which I suppose would cut down the costs. He also has people raising money for his efforts. But even all that aside, who has the ability to just take off from a job for a full month (did he take all possible vacation days), especially considering it is doubtful that Myatt is independently wealthy (dude said he had to quit smoking because the habit was financially burdensome) and he doesn't appear to be a professional of any sort or self-employed.

Maybe I'm overthinking all of this?






Anyways, after spending time in BC Myatt returned to Alberta and traveled to Red Deer to attend the United Conservative Party's first convention where we've been reminded once again that a majority of the rank and file members don't like teachers or First Nations people but are REALLY are excited about outing gay children (see the entire thread):


To put it mildly.... yikes.

But Myatt was there to promote his class action suit as well as his efforts to charge Justin Trudeau with treason. On his first day at the event Myatt believed that he received implicit approval for this effort from the leader of Her Majesty's Official Opposition:


Oh. Andrew Scheer expressed interest, eh?

I'm going to assume that "expressing interest" meant that he nodded his head and said, "That's very interesting."

Saturday, May 05, 2018

Canadian Anti-Hate Network Is Now Active

For a long time Anti-Racist Canada has been, for all intents and purposes, the only real show in town when it came to tracking, monitoring, and reporting on racist groups and individuals in Canada that has maintained a long-term presence online. For the past few years as I've been the only contributor to ARC and let's face it, Blogger isn't exactly the best platform. 

A few months ago however I perhaps, somewhat cryptically, alluded to some work being done behind the scenes that would make the work ARC does easier. In fact I suggested that it would ultimately be in many ways much more effective than ARC.

I'm very happy to see that the hard work of a lot of people has now borne fruit:

Full disclosure. I've been working with the members of the Canadian Anti-Hate Network for several months ever since it was conceived. During that period I participated in a number of conference calls that included a diverse number of long-time community activists from across the country to help build up the bones of this new monitoring group which was in large part inspired by the Southern Poverty Law Center which has also helped to set up this organization:


As someone who has been trying to do this alone for years, this is a very welcome initiative. 

With the increase in the number of hate groups in this country and around the world that are connected through and continue to radicalize each other through social media, there have been others who have stepped up as well. I'm exceedingly grateful for the work activists have been doing on Facebook for example. Much of this activism is also focused on confronting the haters in person at their rallies to show them that their hate will not be allowed to disseminate their bigotry without opposition. These efforts have sapped the strength and diminished the morale of these groups.

The Canadian Anti-Hate Network will be another incredibly useful tool in the fight against bigotry in Canada.

Currently the organization is working on gathering the necessary funding. The board of directors are speaking to some individuals who may be willing to provide some of the necessary seed money, but there is also an avenue where other Canadians (or others) who wish to contribute can do so.

For what it is worth, I have no plans to shut down ARC any time soon, but I've not made it a secret that the increase in the number of hate groups and incidents have made it difficult for me to keep up with it all. I have no doubt that the activities of the Canadian Anti-Hate Network will make my job a hell of a lot easier.

Thursday, May 03, 2018

News from Quebec: Gabriel Sohier Chaput is "Charles Zieger" and Soldiers of Odin Links to Atalante

I've never made it a secret that ARC's Quebec intel has historically been awful. Thankfully ARC has been able to bolster this deficiency to a degree through the invaluable assistance of a number of Quebec activists over the past year. However when journalists asked for assistance in determining the real identity of "Charles Zeiger" who was believed to be a Quebec-based neo-Nazi propagandist and a major contributor to the "Daily Stormer" ("Zeiger" being considered second to Andrew Anglin who created the noxious hate site) I wasn't able to contribute a hell of a lot.

Thanks to Quebec anti-fascists and journalists, his identity has been learned:


As reported in the "Montreal Gazette" Gabriel Sohier Chaput, an IT consultant who lives in apartment in Rosemont-La Petite-Patrie, is "Charles Zeiger" and one of the most influential hate propagandists in North America:
“Zeiger” is the pseudonym for the second-most prolific writer on the Daily Stormer, an extreme right-wing news website that attracts upwards of 80,000 unique visitors a month. 
The site traffics in conspiracy theories, refers to African-Americans as “nogs,” to gay men as “f**ots” and devotes coverage to what it calls the “Race War” and the “Jewish Problem.” Along with the Daily Stormer’s other authors, Zeiger has helped spread this ideology to a new generation of young white men across North America.
....
“Zeiger is probably second to only Andrew Anglin, the Daily Stormer’s founder and chief propagandist,” said Keegan Hankis, the Southern Poverty Law Centre’s senior analyst. “[Zeiger] has been very influential in the strategies behind it.”
....
On white nationalist forums, Zeiger and other Montreal users brag about beating anti-fascist protesters and pasting Nazi stickers on the métro and co-ordinate their attendance at far-right rallies.
 
They also refer to a 2016 meeting with a representative from Students for Western Civilization, which led a campaign in 2015 for the creation of white student unions on Toronto university campuses.
....
Zeiger’s reach extends beyond the North American movement. When the British government disbanded the neo-Nazi terrorist group National Action, the group’s final communiqué personally thanked Zeiger and Andrew Anglin for their work in spreading propaganda.
From a friend in Quebec, we received the following information concerning Chaput:
He was living in a condo complex, that where he stood out against the May Day March in Montreal while the Hassidic community is celebrating the visit of their religious leader from Israel, for the first time in Montreal, only 3 blocks away. A lot of commotions within the Jewish community
The article later goes on to discuss Chaput's participation in Charlottesville last August:



In fact, Chaput was one of a number of Quebec-based neo-Nazis who traveled to Charlottesville. While he was not identified at the time, two other were including one who was a member of La Meute and who is now a leader withing the overtly racist and anti-semetic Atalante:



When Shawn Beauvais-MacDonald's participation in Charlottesville became publicized and his membership in La Meute known, La Meute claimed to have expelled him from the group. However MacDonald was later seen at a La Meute march later the same month as well as a joint La Meute and Storm Alliance protest in September 2017:


MacDonald appears to be a leader within Atalante, but he is known to have maintained his ties to key figures within La Meute and as a result maintain a tacit alliance.

Another interesting alliance Atalante maintains is with the Soldiers of Odin.

Tuesday, May 01, 2018

There Really Is Life After Hate Part I

Back in November 2016 I was at a pretty low point for reasons both obvious and much more personal. I had been planning on winding down the blog and stepping away for good, but then Donald Trump was elected president and the racist right was electrified and emboldened by the result. I didn't feel right about leaving then; I'm under no illusion that my little spot on the Internet is of great importance, but I figured that if I could contribute anything in the upcoming struggle, I should so what I could.

I wasn't exactly thrilled by the prospect however.

Not long after making the decision to stick around, I received an email from a person who ARC had once been closely keeping an eye on due to her active involvement in the racist movement in Toronto. We (when ARC was a "we") continued to keep tabs on her even after her active involvement appeared to end, and over the years I noticed that she had begun cutting ties with her former friends. When this young woman contacted me, it was to let me know that she had gotten out four years prior and she wanted to tell her story and to let others know that they too could get out. Her message reminded me that in addition to informing people about the danger of the groups and individuals covered on the blog, ARC has also helped some people who were once active members of these groups to recognize the harm they have done to their communities and themselves and to find a way to change.

Recently she has contacted ARC again to let us know how her life has been after more than 5 years out of the movement. Not satisfied with simply walking away without attempting to right the wrongs she contributed to, she has since been involved with a number of initiatives that attempt to de-radicalize members of hate groups. She has also continued to tell her story to others in an effort to both provide an understanding of what attracts young people to hate groups as well as providing a way to escape and change while also recognizing that for real change to occur one also needs to work towards making amends for the harm that they have done.

The following was submitted by this young woman:
Formers and Disengaging  
I made my exit from the far-right violent extremist movement over 5 years ago, and the physical removal was not the most difficult part, by any means. I do and always will hold the reasons why I chose to leave very close to me. Somewhere between another member being murdered, false narratives of the violent sub-culture it's self being exposed and the hypocrisy of being a female submerged in hate, I felt I had no choice but to leave. I chose the path of reforming in 2012 and hands down, it's the best decision I've ever made. I almost fear thinking where I would be now if I stayed buried in anger and hate; Most likely dead, in prison or extremely psychologically unwell. 
Reflecting on all the times I would get into arguments with people over the ideology while I was still involved, I lost count of the number of times someone would tell me to "give it (the hate and racism) up and get over it". I'm here after enough time, effort and clarity to confidently say that it is very possible to let it go and change, but it does not happen over night. Realistically I know that reforming is a life long process. My perspective on this is that there will always be something new for me to learn. 
The Tattoos 
Unfortunately I got racist ink on me shortly after I joined the movement. I started by searching for someone to do laser tattoo removal for the symbol I had on the side of my neck. I remember I was always so happy to go to each treatment and see it fade slightly more. During the time in between treatments while it was still visible and it was hard to walk out in public with people asking about it. I had no idea what to tell them; Part of me wanted to tell them to leave me alone, another part of me wanted to apologize profusely for the damage that hate can do and my deeper conscience told me that I was wrong to advocate for what I did once upon a time. 
It took a total of 6 treatments over the span of a year and it was $600 well spent. I walked out of that last treatment smiling from ear to ear and thankful that I didn't need to carry that weight on my shoulders in public anymore. 
I had two other tattoos done which also symbolised hatred. I could easily wear cloths that would keep them covered and I have up until this point. Very soon though, I will be getting both of them covered with images that are a reflection of who I am today and who I want to be in future. No one else has to look at them, how ever I constantly wear them on me right now and whenever I look at them, it's an awful reminder of all my past mistakes; It's hard to have stuff on your body that you're ashamed of. I'm excited about these soon-to-be cover ups; the outside will finally match the inside. 
The Emotional Bonds 
It's unfortunate but when I left the extremism, I no longer agreed with their messages and propaganda, yet part of me still longed for my old friends and that perceived "brotherhood" they promised. Intellectually I knew there was never any sense of belonging for me within that group, but my emotional mind still wanted what was initially promised to me when I was first recruited. I remember so many times my head would be conflicted with a debate over whether I should go look for validation for leaving or whether I should look for reasons to go back. The only thing I can really comment on with this aspect is that I had to find myself. 
I remembered back to some happy moments when I was a kid, most of them included my father. He passed away when I was young after a long battle with cancer and I know that part of my vulnerability for being recruited was because I was looking for a father figure in the guys I was being introduced to. The reality is that my father loved me and never wanted to leave; I think if he had his way he would have chosen to be around for ever, whether it was to watch me graduate college or to get more grey hair from teaching me how to drive. The guys in the movement belittled me on many occasions, which I know my father would have given me hell for even putting up with that and for advocating for hate. 
Internally I also remembered that crazy tomboy I used to be as a kid who enjoyed climbing trees and building stuff out of Lego. I was able to retrieve some of those qualities again and incorporate them into my adult life. I think my favourite activity is treetop trekking (zip line and ropes course). 
Living in Fear 
I really don't like admitting this to myself sometimes, but there will always be a small fear that I might run into someone from my past and they will recognise me. My experience tell me that if this were the case, it could go one of two ways:
  1. The person(s) who I run into will attack me out of anger that I left.
  2. They will try to coax me back into the life of hate.
Sadly if the former happens, there isn't much I can do aside from try to get away from the situation. If the latter happens, I truly hope that I've built up enough resilience to toxicity where I can see right through any of the emotional tactics they use. Of course there have been some places I have avoided going before, how ever I don't want to be constantly thinking about how many times I should look over my shoulder in one day. I use exposure therapy for this; as much as nobody wants to hear this, sometimes you just need to go out and do what you want your goal to be. I have to admit that on the rare occasions I still catch myself looking over my shoulder when I'm out in public. I suppose it's a force of habit that was hard to break and likes to rear it's head the odd time. 
Repairing Ties 
It became easier for me to make friends and repair ties with my family after I openly admitted I was wrong. My mom and brother were and still are strongly opposed to bigotry and the ideology which is fabricated by the white power movement. They are however very supportive of my recovery from those days. They have done more then enough, even though I probably didn't deserve their love and acceptance. I've talked about it with my mom before and she has said "that's part of loving your child. When they want to change, the door is open for them". 
I made new friends at work, trying new activities and through generally getting out and socializing. I have friends of all different backgrounds and walks of life now and it's hard to believe sometimes that I would have thrown away these friendships over ideology and my own deep seated anger. I am open about my past and to my surprise, these people were very forgiving; all they seem to care about is who I am now. 
From my own experience, hatred is based on fear and isolation. I can realistically say today that I never had to live in either one of those. There are people out there who I can have genuine friendships with.